While reviewing my previous notes way way back in my sophomore year, I came across this message my professor wrote. I have to admit I am not as smart as my classmates are but also I’m not saying I’m inferior to them. I believe we have different and unique specialties and I am confident to say accounting is really not my specialty.
Going back to my 2nd yr days, it was the hardest. Not only because I had to adjust in my accounting subjects but also I am still adjusting with the fact that I had to live an independent life. My parents are not around me, not even a family member. It was really hard. I’ve shed many tears because I always fail even if I studied hard. There were times I felt not going to school because of depression but thank God for the church and especially to God who promised to fulfill what he started in my life.
However, just looking at my grades, I felt “no it’s impossible.” I had never passed any quizzes even exams. Maybe just one but still it’s not enough. But then it was also those moments that I’ve received the promise from God that when I reached my limitation He will go beyond what I cannot do. Even if you don’t see that finish line, keep on moving and keep on trusting God. Do your best, your very best but when you get tired don’t stop but trust God all the more. (Just like that scene in facing the giant at the football field)
So what I did even if I felt like this is my moment to fail, I did not stop but I trusted God. Then days after still my grades are still failing. Finals came, my grades still did not change. But in every quizzes and even exam in the final period, I always write at the back of my test paper the verse Romans 8:28 which says all things work together for the good of those who love Him… Even if tough situation comes and which is out of our control I learned to have faith that my darkest hour will be the brightest because of Jesus who lights up my life. I just know at that moment whether I fail or pass, I know His plans for me are pleasing and perfect. What happens today will not dictate my future. He said my future is secured in His hands. At the end of the second semester of my sophomore life, to my surprise, I still passed my accounting subject. Students would say “oh that’s just because of your prof”, or “tsamba Lang yan” but for me none of those things suffice the reason why I passed. The only logical reason for me at the time was “my God is big and nothing is impossible for Him”.
After receiving the good news, this note came. (Every student gets to have a note from our professor.) it proved that all those time that I had difficulty, and I can no longer rely on my own, when I was so desperate to call on God, when I finally surrendered everything to Him and say “I’ll still praise you even if I fail” I never knew that my professor noticed that “faith” I’ve been relying all along. Even if I was not very vocal about it, God proved Himself to me and even to the people around me.
And so, why was I writing this? Haha I don’t know it’s not yet even my graduation day…just looking back those days..,or should I say the hardest times I faced in my college life was also the most beautiful and memorable one. It was hard because of my failing grades but it was beautiful because God increased my faith in Him.
One thing I can say to everyone out there going through tough situation in life. Take advantage of it to let your faith grow and be deeply rooted in God. He makes the hardest things in life the most fulfilling and special. I think that’s what God is trying to teach me at that moment. It’s not guarantee that my life will become smooth in the future but when I experience more difficulties and challenges in the future, I will not be afraid for God is with me.
I wrote this a year ago and I just couldn’t help myself but be thankful on how God helped me get through that fire. I’m so glad to share with you I was able to graduate last March 2014 without any deficiencies. And now God led me my feet to a multinational company for my first ever job. He is amazing!!! Accounting might not be my strength but God is.
“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible. ” (Matthew 17:20 NLT)