Open Letter to My First Love

first love

The very first day I met you, I thought that was the ultimate joy. The first time I sensed your smile and the delight of seeing me, I thought that was my greatest breakthrough. The first time I knelt down before your throne I thought that was the last battle cry. Little did I know those first moments were just the beginning of getting to know You.

Looking back, I’m still so stunned by your love that rescued me. It was that day you saw my imperfection, the darkness that covers my heart and the dirt lying under my skin; the day you saw my brokenness, my desperation for a Savior, the incomplete me. Yet it was also that day you saw beauty and hope. And all you could do is love, love and love until I’m overcome. Until no broken thing is left, until I am made whole.

 I thought I was already settled on our first day but through the years it’s heartbreaking to see that I still have the capacity to forget and turn away from my first love. I’m still capable of running after temporary pleasures more than what you could offer. There are still days of rebellion, wrestling, idolatry, unforgiveness, bitterness and pride. But despite these, your love remains. You never stop pursuing until I’m undone. Like a soldier who drives out his enemies, you keep on fighting until you have fully conquered my heart.

Meeting you was the best thing but now that we’ve been together for years, I realise that the first is not the end. Still being with you and being loved by you is incomparable to that first day. Your words proclaim that your love is steadfast and my life with you indeed is a testimony of that steadfastness.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

How can you do that? How can you not give up? How can you still be with me even if loving someone like me is pretty tiring? One thing I know, You are God and your love is too high, too wide and too deep to comprehend. And so with praises on my lips, I will shout “great is your faithfulness!”1394105_10205845394602997_8042171206309878323_n

 Our first day was life changing but the every day with you is life-securing. I may fail you a thousand times God but your love is like a magnet that draws me back to you over and over again, You are more than enough for me Lord. Like David, I’d rather be a doorkeeper at your house than live in a place without you, for better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.

 Oh it’s so nostalgic to recall our grandiose first day isn’t it? The colliding of darkness and light, the bridging of sinner to a holy God. That saving grace. I will surely miss that spark. However, that memory will serve as a reminder that you have been faithful through the years. And the ordinary, usual days with you reminds me that the love I met 8 years ago is always enduring and never fading.

Indeed, first love never dies. Thank you Jesus!


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