Hi future Mommies,
How is it going? You may already be on your first trimester, second or third. Yet anyhow, I know you’ve been experiencing different changes in your body that you probably could not quite understand. And it’s okay. You may be going through a lot (like me) or acing this smoothly. Eitherway, we are altogether undergoing this unusual yet exciting transition that every pregnant woman could have.
You may be the kind of woman who religiously follows everything written on the rule book. Or you could be just laxing it out, worrying yourself less of the worst that could happen. Well they say every woman is different. So just continue to embrace these uncomfortable changes because for sure, it’s going to be all worth it.
I’m capping off my first trimester this week hoping to feel a lot better than the previous days. Yet my body is so unpredictable that until now I could feel the exhaustion in manufacturing a baby in my womb. Maybe, I just have to get used to thinking this is normal because based on my research, these unfamiliar changes simply mean that baby is developing well. It’s so comforting to think that every women in different countries are actually experiencing things not far different from mine. To give you a glimpse, let me share with you some of my unfiltered struggles you might have also been encountering or have already encountered. (Forgive me for sounding a bit complaining on this)
Headaches, all day sickness, dizziness, nausea and vomiting are some of my companions the past weeks. There are days I could barely get out off bed and function as a normal person. Even as I get to work and try to program my mind that I should be efficient in everything I will do, when noonday comes, all I could think of is that 4 letter word “REST”. There are days I need to call in sick and days when I try to get by as much as possible. Even if I wanted to render longer hours, I just couldn’t. All I could tell myself is hold on, it’s worth the sacrifice. It’s okay not to push myself too hard and it’s okay to admit that physical weakness I’ve been feeling. Pretending to be okay would just make it worst and would just add up to my physical stress. Yet in all of these, I’m thankful that I have my husband with me who supports me, encourages me and prays for me just so I could thrive in giving the best I could to our baby.
I have been practicing to fill my mind with faith-filled words. If I leave my tank empty, I wouldn’t know how to deal with this transition mentally. I might just dive in to negativity and not consider the effects of mental distress to baby. And because I am aware of this, by God’s grace, I am holding on to His words day in day out. Although, there were times I almost had a mental breakdown. Yet I am thankful that God is preventing me to feel too overwhelmed with these responsibilities. My doubts, fears and worries are always being replaced with His ability to care for me. Overthinking doesn’t really help. And even thinking less of myself or my incapability to carry these through would just mentally drain the hell out of me. Though I am working out on these thoughts, it’s so much lighter to give all the cares to God knowing He sees me and is mindful of me. He will take care of me and baby is the thought I’ve been clinging to always and this actually helps.
They say, in pregnancy, there will be a lot of hormonal changes that might effect to chemical imbalances. There are times I would think if I am just being too emotional or my pregnancy hormones are just up. I don’t really know. Yet I admit there are moments wherein my sanity is not working well. I tend to really get pissed without any specific reason at all. And because of this I have to quiet myself and contemplate where are all these coming from. I have to prevent myself from bursting out and should contain this emotional disturbances. And all I could do is cry out to the Lord and let Him have these unexplainable emotions. At times I couldn’t share with the people around me because I know they wouldn’t understand. Yet I am thankful there are few people whom I could be honest with because they have already gone through the same thing. My husband is one person whom I can cry out and share these. And I am thankful that he helps me a lot to process things and reminds me that this is just a phase coming to pass. Everything will feel better soon. I am not alone for the Lord is with me and the people who love and care for me.
I want to share the last aspect but I do not consider this as a struggle. This is actually where my source of strength lies and I hope yours too.
I realized that the struggles I’ve been feeling are my blessings in disguise. If not because of it, I wouldn’t learn how to depend more on the Lord. I wouldn’t know how to seek Him in my pregnancy journey. These struggles are like weeds that need to be taken out by the gardener. Without it, I wouldn’t know how much I am taken care of by my Gardener. He constantly plucks it out so I would grow like a well-cultivated plant. He makes my roots stronger as He continue to water my soul with His words. He teaches me to depend on His light so I’ll become radiant even in the midst of a storm. He promises to hold all things together even if I feel like I am falling apart. He promises to give us breakthroughs at the end of our breaking. And to top it all, He made me realize how much I should be loving this pregnancy journey. Because in this, He always affirms us with His promises that in time they will be fulfilled.
These struggles we have been dealing with are the firsts of the many struggles we will experience as we raise our little one. It’s challenging yet rewarding because every bit of sacrifice is not a waste as long as it’s for the benefit of our child and an advantage to our maturity. And so I’ll gladly welcome and be-friend them because I know they will not stay for long. Soon it will be replaced with so much delight that these struggles will be nothing compared to holding baby in our arms.
As for you future mommy, you can always freely share your story with me just as how I shared mine. Just don’t forget to stay strong in the strength the Lord is giving you. He is the God who goes beyond our present circumstances and He will go further than what you thought you could not possibly do.
Stay strong, future mommy! We can do this!