I know this is a commonly asked question of young men and women of this day. And we surely have read a lot of blogs about finding “The One”. However, there is no cookie-cutter answer for this. God writes our stories uniquely. My experience will probably not be the same as yours. But one thing that binds all of our stories together is the writer of our love story. Even before we have seen, God had already written our accounts in His book of life. And so, If you really want to find out how, seeking God above all is the best answer.
Let me share with you my journey in finding “The One”:
1. Made The Most Out of My Singlehood
First, I was not really in the business of finding who to marry back then. I just believed that one day God will bless me with a Christ-centered marriage and family. But to know when, who or how will our paths cross? It was not something I preoccuppied my mind with. I just trusted the Lord to unfold things for me so I can focus better on the season I was placed in at that time.
I was a single young professional and my goal was to make the most out of my singlehood. I travelled a lot with friends and made some memorable adventures in climbing mountains. I got myself involved in church and cherished those moments I would grow my relationship with the Lord. As I can remember, I even had those conversations with God telling Him I don’t want yet to enter a relationship with any man. I was afraid that if that time comes I might no longer have my consistent date nights and alone time with God. Besides, I have a mindset that I am still young and I still have a lot of things to be ticked off from my bucketlist before settling down. Or that ‘s what I thought…
2. Sought Wisdom From Mentors and Leaders
Even if I was single-minded and very determined not to enter a relationship until God said so, there were a lot of moments when my conviction got tested. But because I knew with God that it was not yet His time for me, I obeyed Him and gracefully declined courtship proposal. I kept in heart and mind what my mentors and leaders have been telling me. Don’t settle for something that God has not brought you into. And how did I know that? They told me to seek God in every decision I make. I surrounded myself with godly women because I know they will be of great help in this journey.
“Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.”
Proverbs 15:22 NLT
I was so desperate to gain more wisdom that I even asked counsel from a Pastor’s wife of other local church and an influential blogger. She told me that they could give a lot of advice but the decision is still between me and the Lord.
3. Became More and More Intimate With God
One leader from our church told me you will know the answer as you become more and more intimate with Him. At that time, there was a man from our church who laid down his intentions for me in courtship. And one of his intentions that really surprised me is he is willing to marry me someday. His vision was not just up to courtship but he really saw me as the woman whom he’ll be spending the rest of his life with. Of course I was overwhelmed with that declaration! I really want to be careful with my decision so I answered him “not now”. And in that season of waiting, I drew myself closer to God. I kept praying and reading His word and the answer I get from Him over and over again is in Joshua 1:9 which says “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid for I will be with you wherever you go.” This is as if God is saying “Whatever decision you make I am sovereign.” I couldn’t believe God is letting me decide at that time. I want to hear a clear yes or no but instead he gave me the ball to decide and the confidence to trust His sovereignty in this.
I knew at that moment God is already changing my heart and preparing it for marriage. And because I was careful to decide, it took me 6 months before I said yes to courtship. In that 6 months, God revealed to me that my singlehood is becoming more of a comfort zone for me—the reason I am afraid to step out of it. I’ve got plenty of reasons why I should not enter a relationship but there is only one acceptable reason why I should, and that is because God is with me and will be with me even as I step into the unknown.
4. Stayed Connected with The Lord and His Promises
When I entered courtship, there is no guarantee that this man will already be the man I am going to marry unless we exchange vows at the altar. I realized, each day is an act of faith for us believing that what God has started in us He is faithful to bring it into completion. It was not a perfect smooth sailing relationship we had there. We dealt with issues just like any other normal couple. But what made us stick until the end is our relationship with the Lord. We saw His faithfulness and what He can do in and through us. Every day is an utterance of prayer that “God, let this be the man I am going to marry.” And God kept reminding us of His promise that no longer will He destroy the earth with flood. No longer will He let us experience another heartbreak as long as we stay in sync with Him and His words. He then sealed that with a rainbow which symbolizes God is really our promise-keeper. And that’s where we put our faith in—the character of God.
However, not all courtships do progress in marriage and that’s okay. Courtship is where you will both seek the Lord’s will. It is God directing your steps if it’s His will to continue or not. That’s why staying connected with Him and being secured with His promises are important. Because even if God said stop and let go, you just know God has something better in store for you. There is a purpose why God allowed you to enter courtship. It may not be for the purpose of marriage but it can be for the purpose of growth.
5. Be in Faith No Matter What
After a year of being in a relationship, he finally knelt down and asked me in marriage. Because I was sure that He is the man I want to partner with in whatever and wherever God calls us to, I said yes! Preparing for marriage was not an easy one. It required a lot of faith to venture this unfamiliar place. In that preparation, we were once again tested. We little by little laid down our crowns knowing we will no longer live for ourselves but we will stay committed in putting each other above ourselves. It’s also another level of taking up the cross and denying oneself because marriage is about service and not self-gratification. And we learned all of these in that preparation phase. Even if we already had an idea of what we were entering to, God is putting enough faith in us believing we can be “The One” for each other. Becoming “The One” is really not born out of just finding one, it’s practicing ourselves to be that man or woman first. It takes humility to be broken down until we are made new again. It takes courage to fulfill that calling for our life. And it takes faith to believe that we will one day reach the altar and lay down our life for each other and for God.
And so after telling you all of these, the question “How did I know He is the one for me?” It was a faith journey. I was close to meeting “The One” of my life in each day that passed by until our wedding day. And after the exchanging of vows in the presence of God and sealing it with a kiss, that’s when I finally found out He is the one for me and I am the one for Him.
As for me, that was my experience and my answer. If you are that person dying in curiousity just to find out who this person could be, shrugg that off. It’s not for you to know right now. God will not light the whole tunnel for you to see the destination. He wants you to stay close to Him and enjoy walking with a lamp on your feet. In time it will be revealed. Just do what you are asked to do at this season and one day you’ll be surprised on how God will flip the pages for you.
Just a word of advice: Don’t be in a hurry, you’ll get there. Make your relationship with the Lord your first priority. Surround yourself with godly counsel. And be in sync with the Lord by reading His word day and night. Embrace the process! It’s going to be worth it because that’s when God is molding you first to be the right man and woman you are meant to be.
Sharing with you one of my favorite songs about waiting on God’s perfect timing. Enjoy!